No!

A word that has been giving me much trouble as of late, for many reasons.

My 20 month old baby has begun telling me no, no, NO! when asked to do something, or asked to come to me. This is something that I knew was coming of course because it's only a normal part of childhood development for him to want to assert his independence and take control, though I will not give in and allow chaos to reign because that will not help anyone. I was simply hoping that it would be a little longer before we'd enter this stage of his development.

It is also a word I find myself using much more as of late in my own home, and I don't like it. So in an effort to use "no" less, I have begun placing stipulations on things that I would previously say "no" too. Instead of telling my 6 year old "no" he may not paint, I have begun telling him that he may paint ONLY if he cleans up ALL of the mess he makes doing so. This meant that he and he alone was responsible for setting up the paint supplies, and he alone was responsible for washing brushes, containers, tables, floor, walls, etc. after painting. It also meant that when he made a dribble on the newly cleaned carpets he had to get the peroxide and brush and clean it up. This has made our home a more peaceful place, unless of course I am on the phone...

No, is also a word I fear. I have been asking the Lord lately to please provide us with more living space, and a larger, more reliable vehicle. I have been on my knees begging for it actually, and while I have not yet heard an answer from God, I am fearing that he will tell me no, I may not have what I am asking for. I would like a larger apartment or rental home, as there is currently 5 of us living in a 968 square foot, 2 bedroom apartment. A larger space would really be great as we are packed in as tightly as can be, and there is little room for play when the weather is not cooperating, and our apartment manager seems to not like children and so she fusses constantly when children are outside playing. I have also been asking God for a mini van, as our current car is 18 years old, wearing out quickly, and only just barely holds our family. A mini van would be such a blessing to us so that when we go out places we have a little space to spare, and can easily take the family, our "gear", and maybe even a friend or two along with us. My fear however, is that even though these requests seem reasonable to me, God will find them to be in excess and tell me that I may not have them. I will not of course buy a new vehicle or move to a new home without his blessing, because that would put us in far worse shape than we are now, but for me it would be heart-breaking to be told no. I can't explain why I fear He will tell me no, and I can't explain why it would upset me so much to be told no, but never the less I fear it. I know that I serve a loving God who would wish his child to be unhappy needlessly, but I also know that sometimes we don't understand God's plan right away, or even ever in some cases, but that His plan is perfect.

So dear friends if you would please pray with me that I will get over my fear of the word No, that I will survive my child's toddler-hood, and that "no" will become less necessary in my home.